


Can nobody hear me?

by Radiolina_936



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Post-Season/Series 08 Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-08
Updated: 2014-09-08
Packaged: 2018-02-16 15:44:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2275395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Radiolina_936/pseuds/Radiolina_936
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe if he had fallen asleep, he wouldn't have breathed right and he would have died.<br/>So he wouldn't have suffered longer. So the hole in his chest would have closed. So, maybe, Dean wouldn't have received another disappointment.<br/>He would have made amends with his own death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can nobody hear me?

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song "Hear Me" by Imagine Dragons

_Maybe if I fall asleep I won't breath right._

 

When Castiel regained consciousness, for a few seconds the numbness prevented him from opening his eyes, then the awareness of what had happened suddenly hit him in the chest. The idea of what would have happened because of him made him want to die.  
He squeezed his eyes stronger. He knew that he wouldn't have liked what he'd have seen. He knew he had made a mess, like the time he proclaimed himself God, or when he released the Leviathans.  
But that would have been the straw that broke the camel. That time, the angels would have been hunting him down and killing him.  
As long as that they could survive the fall.  
The anxiety was too much and forced him to open his eyes. He found himself lying on a meadow while staring at the dark sky. His hand clutched a pile of leaves. His whole body was in tension.  
Some vague images reminded him of what Metatron had done in that blinding white room he knew so well. How much time had passed? Seconds, minutes, hours?  
He automatically put the hand to his throat, touching the point where Metatron had cut for to take his grace away. He remembered the strange sensation of emptiness he had felt at the time. It was as if Metatron had sucked the air from his lungs. There was no wound on his throat and this confused him.  
But the thing Castiel was sure of was that within minutes the angel would have fallen.  
He gathered his strength and stood up. He looked around, but he saw only trees and leaves that covered the ground. Where the hell was he? How far were Dean and Sam?  
Suddenly a strong wind came up, ruffling his hair and shaking the trees. A glow at the edge of the field of view caught his attention. He lifted his face to the sky and witnessed the most beautiful and terrifying spectacle of his existence. The darkness exploded into hundreds of fireballs, comets that pierced the clouds and were falling slow but inexorable towards the Earth.  
His brothers and sisters. He was the one who killed them.  
His legs collapsed and he found himself kneeling in the mud. A pain that he had never felt stung his eyes, then two drops glistened in his cheeks.  
For the first time in his whole life, Castiel was crying.  
He opened his mouth and shouted in despair.  
Kill me! he thought, unable to say it out loud.  
His cry echoed in the void around him. Could nobody hear him? Could nobody hear the sound of his soul that exploded into a thousand pieces because of the pain?  
As if he had no control of his body, Castiel fell forward and found himself lying in the leaves.  
Maybe if he had fallen asleep, he wouldn't have breathed right and he would have died.  
So he wouldn't have suffered longer. So the hole in his chest would have closed. So, maybe, Dean wouldn't have received another disappointment.  
He would have made amends with his own death.  
He turned on his side and cried himself to sleep.


End file.
